Today in sacrament I arrived a couple minutes before the meeting started to find that we needed a ward chorister. My bishop anxiously gestured me to the front, I had a whispered conversation with the pianist, and then we started. Leading the music for that first song, I felt completely lost. All I could do was grin at the congregation, trying to correct myself constantly so I could stay on time with the organ. One member was kind enough to show me how to lead from the back. By watching him, I was able to calm my frantic movements and figure out what I was supposed to be doing.
I have another friend who has told me that he feels like life is unfair, because you think you are taking one test, and half-way through it you are given a new blank sheet of paper and told to get started on a completely different test. And you don't even know what the second test is about. In such situations, it's nice to have someone from the back who shows you quietly what to do. It's important to smile even when you feel like you are failing miserably. And, halfway through the test, you might find your rhythm, and discover you knew the answers all along.
Today in church we talked about two issues that always seem to be paired in peoples minds: Homosexuality, and sustaining your leaders. This is a very important issue for me and others in my situation. It often leads to very uncomfortable, often emotionally turbulent moments where we sit, wondering if we should speak, feeling isolated.
How do I deal with it? It's difficult sometimes. If anyone reads this, I'd like to know what you think before saying anything more.
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